I haven’t written in a long time.  Looking back on 2013, I realized that I felt the sadness of my mothers death before it happened. In July was found out that my mom had terminal liver cancer.  She had suffered with Primary Biliary Cirrhosis for 22 years.  It really didn’t surprise me that the cancer was in the liver because her liver was weak to begin with.  I always believed that her illness was caused by a destroyed water table in the cajun heartland of Louisiana. Our land was surrounded by soybean and rice fields where they crop dust pesticide on the crops. When they grow rice they flood and drain the fields several times throughout the growing season and in between they crop dust with airplanes.  Three adjoining sides of our 40 acre plot were farmland.  We had a water well and the water tasted like iron. It would color the toilets and bathtubs and my mom would try so hard to clean them off. Who knows what kind of household chemicals she had to use?  I remember being a teenager and laying down on the pale plush carpeting in my bedroom with wet hair and it made a rust stain on the rug.  

You know, the crazy thing about he crop-dusted rice and soybean fields is that in the off season, they grow crawfish in the pesticide mud.  How can that even be legal? 

When I went home for my class reunion I was shocked and awed that in my high school of 225 people, so many of us had had children with birth defects and rare conditions. So many of us have either  had cancer (myself included),or had  someone in their immediate family have it. 

My momma lasted for 4 months and we told her goodbye on November 21, 2011.  During those four months I spent as much time with her as I could and when I couldn’t be there we Facetimed several times a day.  I miss her so much and my heart is still broken.  This is the first time I have been able to write anything because my sadness is so great. 

Cancer is so horrible and I hope that I never have to see another person die.  I went back to work and have been very busy since the new year started.   I hope to keep up my website better this year.  Last year was just like a black hole. I just want to put it behind me.

Until next time....

I love you,

xxox

Stacy